This is what i wrote that morning and it got me thinking. What if I made it more of an effort to DECIDE who I want to be today before life makes that decision for me.
After reading some of the pages of Scared Selfless, I found that it is often my DID that does this where i may be a depressed victim today or maybe i’ll be happy. I never realized that I could have a choice.
I remembered this thought for days and it’s now sunday April 5, 2020 and I am halfway through a book that speaks so much wisdom and clarity to what happened to me. I found more focus on my purpose now.
Sitting here waking up I start to think about what it’s today is going to be like. Is it going to be rough or is it going to be sweet? I don’t know. The one thing I started to think about was instead of letting the day decide how it was going to treat me oh, maybe I should consider how I was going to treat the day. How am I going to let the state take over and influence my mood and feelings. I didn’t think about that before so I was sitting here right now not sure exactly how my day is going to turn out has got me thinking. I just don’t know what to do at this point. Should I write down everything I wanted do today? Should I write about the person I want to be?
Should I plan my attitude for today? Is that even possible?
Some days instead of trying to figure this all out I just want to stop and pray. I feel so disconnected. It’s like my prayer button is broken and I don’t know how to even talk to God. I know it’s a veil of clout and dishonesty from the evil one but I feel so disconnected. Maybe I should take some wisdom for my previous paragraph and stop feeling disconnected. Maybe I should take ownership over that and stop feeling disconnected and do something about it. Something to think about.