What’s in a song?

Photo by Eric Nopanen on Unsplash

Perhaps we have all had a song that we felt like it was written for exactly how we feel or felt a the moment. Songs of happiness, upbeat workout song, love songs, nostalgic songs and songs that we listen to when we’re depressed. I have some songs eternally attached to a memory and not all of them are pleasant memories. The song Elvira by the Oak Ridge Boys was a lighthearted fun memory of singing in the car with Grandpa along with the radio. That’s a tearjerker memory because then was a time, a memory before my childhood was ripped from me. These little treasures are all the pieces left of myself. The girl I once knew.

The song She Used to be Mine by Sara Bareilles was written for a musical called Waitress. This musical was produced from the original movie Waitress directed by Adrienne Shelly, a film I absolutely loved. It spoke to my heart. A waitress in an emotionally abusive relationship who dreams of escape or of better days through the bad times. Sounds like me when i was in a relationship with Sam (another story for another day). It relates to my first husband as well and how I was told terrible lies about myself to manipulate me into believing them. And for years, I suffered with no one who could help. I got away, but those who haunt my past are still there with me now. There is no escape.

To this day, I fear that I cannot manage healthy relationships. People I have known have taken more than i gave them emotionally, physically and intellectually. And I feel that relationship account has been substantially overdrawn to the point of no return. Back to the film, I won’t spoil it but what we all should do comes out in the end. We shouldn’t treat each other that way at all. I learned the films creator, Adrienne Shelly was tragically murdered and that embeds another soft spot in my heart for this film; Waitress. I think the film speaks to every scorned woman’s heart who has been through rough times with a difficult partner. The main character was me, and my mom played that main charactor role for a period of time in her life. I’ve seen coworkers that could star in the film, beautiful friends getting treated so bad by their sick-o boyfriends, and a lovely friend who had to escape her situation with just the clothes on her back in the middle of the night with no where to turn. The main character of the film, to me is every woman I know who struggle with a battle they don’t deserve.

I end this with no answers or inspiration. But, I will end these blogs with gratitude. My heart is in pieces but it’s still there. She’s still there. Today, I am grateful for my health. The warmer weather that I know is coming soon to Ohio. And third, I am grateful for my Sister, she’s my best friend and it’s her Birthday this week.

The song from that movie explains my burn out over the years. The years of giving all I have to failed relationships. My depression and work burn out is from so many taking more from me than I had to give. And I’ve been done for so long that I don’t know if I will ever find my way back to the person I once was. Maybe this creative outlet of writing and website blogging


It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them. It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl. She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help

She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine. It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true
And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew. Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine. She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Sara Bareilles

She Used to Be Mine lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

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